Pastor just before taking the offering:
"And now, brethren, let us all give in accordance with what we reported on our Form 1040."

Having dialed a wrong long-distance number, a lady anxiously demanded,
"Is June there?"
A man replied, "No, madam, I don't know where you are, but it's still
April here."

Despite what Ralph Nader says, the best safety device is a
rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

Marital Bliss
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

                                           Blinded Sight
A policeman stopped a man driving the wrong way on a
one way street.
"Didn't you see the arrow? he demanded.
"Arrow? Honest, Officer, I didn't even see the Indians."

                                          Proverbs
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.